did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
