My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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