I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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