the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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