at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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