Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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