How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
