umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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