i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
