We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
