i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
