I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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