My girlfriend figured out who you are.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
