I want you more than these girls want KFC
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
