Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
