i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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