NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
