Your dad touched me again.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
