come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
