hotel room ftw
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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