Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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