i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
