my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
