i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
the liver wants what the liver wants
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
