I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
