i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
