how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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