I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
