well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
