Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
