You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
