dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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