I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I can text with my tongue
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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