Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
