last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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