i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
