Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My feet surprised me
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