He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
drinking out of a sandbucket again
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Randomize
