i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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