toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
