Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
