I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
