My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
