I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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