Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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