bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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