Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The best revenge is premature balding
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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