i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i love accidental penises.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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