So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
