It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
