She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
