I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
