I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
false alarm, still single
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
