Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
