the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
